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WELCOME

to your beautiful, messy, exhausting exhilarating life called motherhood.
We get motherhood because we're on that journey, too.

We're nutto, and we're here to help.

While we hope that our honest and raw look into motherhood provides you with some needed comic relief and comfort in knowing 'you're not the only one,' we realize that this is only part of the solution. Products to simplify some of those frustrating and unnecessarily complex things about motherhood are on the way (March/April 2013).

out of context

Ok, so you know those really cute things that you do with your kids in private that just don’t seem to translate well or have quite the same comedic effect on others when done in public?  Well, we have a few doozies to share with you.  Here goes:

1.  Telling her preschool teacher first thing Monday morning that “Everybody has boobs”

Yes, of course there was a longer explanation of which this excerpt was taken.  When she noticed her chest one day, she asked what they were so I told her.  And so she wouldn’t think that she was an anomaly or sense a weighted tone to the topic, I concluded with a light-hearted reveal that everyone in fact has boobs…

2.  Yelling “F_ _ k, F_ _k, F_ _ k”

… in the Target parking lot and again while my mother-in-law was changing her diaper.  It was pretty funny when our 18 month old repeated it at home and we didn’t think she’d remember or do it again (or in public at the top of her lungs for that matter).  But admittedly, I was secretly proud of the fact that she used it in the correct context…

3.  “Mommy says ‘dubba’”

No I don’t teach my child complete gibberish but we have this ‘funny’ thing that we do…whenever I jumble my words while talking to her, I make a joke and laugh at myself by acknowledging that I’m not making any sense and start over.  She finds this very funny and wants to share the joke with others…of course, inadvertently making me look like a complete idiot in the process!

4.  “Daddy tried to get it my bath, my pajamas and my big girl bed but I said ‘no, Daddy, stop!’”

My husband found a great way to speed up the bedtime process.  In order to get our daughter in the bath, into her pajamas and in bed for story time in under 2 hours, he pretends that he’s racing her to it.  It works like a charm every time as she runs to the bath, grabs her PJs out of the drawer for me and hops into bed before daddy beats her to it.  Of course, she loves to share the story with complete strangers so as you can imagine, I often find myself saying, “Let me clarify…”

5.  Responding to the rhetorical question of, “You are so cute, where did you get that face?”, with the very thoughtful reply of, “Umm…Target”

Ok, so we spend a lot of time at Target!

We’d love to hear your funny stories (perhaps so we don’t feel so bad about teaching our kids curse words in utero) so please write into our blog and share!

November 21, 2010 - 5:30 pm lisa - this is hilarious -- i love your blogs, please keep them coming!

have you met my husband bobblehead?

Let us start by saying that we (moms) love our husbands dearly.  And although it’s sometimes easy to forget in the thick of this thing called parenthood, we wouldn’t trade them in for anything.  But as most moms of infants quickly learn, it does take them some time to ‘get it’…

Now we hate to be the bearer of bad news for all of you first-time expectant moms, but if you have any romantic delusions as we did about having a baby with the love of your life, brace yourself.   A friend of ours articulated it perfectly:  “I thought that having a baby was going to make me fall in love with my husband all over again.  I now tell him he’s mildly dysfunctional on a daily basis.”  Our response:  “Only mildly?”

Now for the rest of you, you know exactly what we’re talking about.  These strong, confident, virile men that we chose to have our babies with suddenly turn into deer-in-the-headlights wanderers as soon as our little people make their appearance – or in our case, as soon as you start puking in week 7.  And it seems our kids sense it too.  It’s as if they see their dads struggling with the most basic parenting tasks and think to themselves, “Poor guy, I better go easy on him.”  I mean, let’s face it, there is no way our babies would have been as patient with us (moms) if we took 17.5 minutes to figure out how the insert in the bottle works…again.

However, we discovered something very important about 1 year in:  they can’t help it!  To call them jerks or uncaring implies intent and more importantly, an ability to change.  We truly don’t believe (or perhaps just choose to believe) that this is the case.  How could it be when he still stares aimlessly at the onesie, truly and profoundly perplexed 3 months in?  Or when it still doesn’t occur to him to turn the door handle so it closes quietly after you spent 127 minutes to get the baby to sleep.  Hence, the “Bobblehead.”  Our baby daddies just sort of walk around in a daze, with a look of total and utter confusion on their face.  Or as another friend of ours put it:  “It’s like they all have their PhDs in ‘Duh.’   

Some of our favorite Bobblehead expressions:

“Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

“What?”

“But his diaper was just changed”

“Huh?”

“Why do I need to bring anything, we’ll only be gone a few hours.”

“She was great while you were gone – she sat quietly watching TV for 2.5 hours and didn’t make a peep.”

“Why are you mad at me?”

And to all of this, we have but one, simple reply:  “Seriously?” 

Finally, when things do start to click for him and he shows signs of ‘getting it’, he is going to require a lot of praise.  For instance, it is not uncommon for him to start speaking in third person to your child, saying things like:  “Didn’t Daddy do a good job playing with you today?”; “Didn’t you love the oatmeal that Daddy made for you today?”…

All of this, of course, is overshadowed by some of the sweetest and most heartfelt moments we’ll ever experience.  Walking into your baby’s room to find him sleeping on the floor as a way to console your crying baby; watching him light up the first time his little angel gives him a picture she made just for him; carrying her ever so patiently through the long, slow moving lines at house after house during her first trick-or-treating adventure… 

We’d love to hear your Bobblehead stories so if you’d like to vent or just make us laugh, please share!

out of the mouths of babes

I remember the wonderful anticipation of hearing my angel baby talk like it was yesterday.  What would her voice sound like?  What words would she like to use?  Would she use her hands when she talked? 

Indeed, the sound of my little person’s voice is easily the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard – its innocence, determination to sound out letters and squeaky pitch is simply precious.  And then one day, seemingly overnight, the utterances turn into real words and real sentences that have the power to make you melt, cry and laugh all at the same time:  

“Mommy…”

“…you have silly boobs.  They look like they’re going to fall off”

 “…you are HUGE, just like a tall mountain”

“…you look like a princess”

“…I’m so happy!”

“…are you having a baby because you keep getting fatter and fatter”

“…you’re my best friend”

“…I’m mad at you, I don’t like you, you’re mean”

“…I love you higher than the highest hill”

We’d love to hear what’s come out of the mouth of your babe so please write into our blog and/or Facebook (www.facebook.com/nuttoFB) and share…

September 26, 2010 - 6:57 am val - the other day my 6 year old called me a "moco" which is spanish for boogar. she only knows a few spanish words so this was both disturbing and yet funny!

playdates

When we have kids, most of us suddenly realize the urgent need to make new friends.  For some, it’s about admitting that we don’t really have any and for others it’s realizing that the ones we do have aren’t really that great (or at least not good enough for our new little person). 

Whatever the reason, we feel a sudden sense of urgency to meet other new moms.  After all, doesn’t being a good parent include ensuring that our kids have a social life that extends beyond the UPS driver and Starbucks Barista?

It is with this feeling of urgency that we find ourselves doing the unthinkable:  scheduling playdates.  When you stop and think about it, the dynamics are both hysterical and incredibly odd.  You suddenly find yourself making introductions to virtual (or often times complete) strangers and essentially asking them to be your friend. 

Can you imagine seeing any other ‘group’ doing such a thing?  Just imagine two grown men having an exchange like we (moms) do:  “Hi there.  I see that you like to wear blue shirts.  I like to wear blue shirts too.  Want to come over to my house and play?”

Have any good playdate stories to share?  You can write in here or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/nuttoFB.

pregnancy q&a

Here’s a good one that we received by email that we had to share…

 Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? 
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. 

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth. 

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational. 
A: So what’s your question? 

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? 
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. 

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?  
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.     

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? 
A: Yes, pregnancy. 

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? 
A: When the kids are in college. 

Any good pregnancy stories to share with us?  You can write in and share with us here or on Facebook www.facebook.com/nuttoFB.

tell-tale signs of a new mom

Almost immediately after having our babies, we (moms) begin all sorts of subconscious behaviors.  In fact, these new behaviors become so ingrained that we do them even when our babies are not with us.  Following are some of the ways in which you can spot a new mom when she’s not with her baby:

  • Swaying back and forth while standing still
  • Looking both ways, three times, before stepping off of the curb
  • Breaking into song for no apparent reason
  • Rocking the grocery cart back and forth
  • Announcing her departure by stating in a very calm voice, “I have to get going in 3 minutes.  3 more minutes…”
  • Asking where the “potty” is
  • And for the breastfeeding moms, flinching when a gust of wind or dog bark catches her by surprise to brace herself for the inevitable let-down and leakage…

What do you do that gives you away?  Please write in and share…

September 23, 2010 - 6:12 pm Christina - I still cross my arms tightly to sooth achy breasts when I hear babies cry, and it's been since 2008 the last time I breastfed my youngest. Sometimes even when I see someone tear up or hear a puppy whimper it hurts. Does it ever stop?

September 23, 2010 - 8:30 am Whozat - Re the last one - I've found that yowling cats are even more effective at inducing letdown than barking dogs :-)

things you never thought you’d hear yourself say:

  • “No, honey, you can’t lock yourself in the closet”
  • “Yes, you’re right, everybody does have boobs”
  • “No, you cannot sit in the ball pit naked”
  • “Please don’t put your dirty diaper on your head”
  • “Does your tushy itch?”
  • “Oops, I just peed in my pants a little”
  • “No, I don’t think your boogers would taste like Swedish Fish”
  • “Please take Cinderella’s shoe out of your nose and eat your lunch”
  • “Yes, sweetie, one day yours will have hair on it too”

We want to hear some of the things you catch yourself saying…we know there are some really good ones!   Please share with us here or on Facebook www.facebook.com/nuttoFB.

modesty takes a nose-dive

If you’re anything like us, you thought the worst of it was over after the embarrassing 3rd trimester doctor’s visits and then baring it all to anyone who wanted a peek while giving birth.  Well, not so much… 

The following are just a handful of examples of how modesty takes a nose-dive out the proverbial window during the first few years of motherhood:

  • Baby pulling on your nipples like a Gumby doll while you’re standing in the check-out line
  • Squatting and straddling over the toilet in a public restroom with the door wide open because the stroller doesn’t fit in the stall
  • Flashing the token dad in swim lessons when your 6 month old attempts to use your bathing suit top as a floatie
  • Having your shirt pulled up in the cereal aisle so your barely-speaking-toddler can show you where your “belly button” is
  • The loud reveal from the more-proficient-speaking-toddler that “Mommy made a stinky poopy on the potty like a big girl today”

 

We’d love to hear your modesty-gone stories so please write in and share…

December 31, 2014 - 11:55 pm Carlee - This is what we need - an insight to make evnoerye think

September 22, 2010 - 5:05 pm Carla - When my oldest daughter was little, she came into the stall with me at a store and loudly announced "Mommy, your peepee has an earring in it!"

macGyver mama

To anyone who thought MacGyver could perform miracles with some dental floss and a chewed piece of gum, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.  We’d put our money on a mama any day — think MacGyver could do this…

  • Catch a ball flying at his head without skipping a beat in the story he’s in the middle of telling
  • Make it on time to the Pediatrician appointment at 9:00am, playdate at 9:20am and Gymboree at 9:35am with 2.4 kids in tow
  • Clean a grass stain with nothing more than the contents of a sippy cup and sand from the sandbox
  • Design a make-shift diaper out of a few napkins and the inside of the uneaten portion of grilled cheese
  • Make his frustrated toddler laugh when all she wants to do is cry
  • Carry on a conversation with his 2.2 y/o about the relationship between Dora and Swiper, coo at his 3 month old, explain to his baby daddy once again why the Diaper Champ needs to be emptied regularly and listen to outdated and unhelpful parenting advice from his own mother on the phone…simultaneously

Have any MacGyver Mama stories to share?   Please write in below and share…

May 14, 2011 - 10:33 pm Buffee - At last! Someone who understands! Thanks for poitnsg!

September 22, 2010 - 9:00 pm Megan - Christina, that sounds more like Super Women...

September 22, 2010 - 4:47 pm Christina - Roll out of bed, brush teeth, make breakfast for three to-go, get dressed for work, get two toddlers dressed for daycare, loaded in the car and on the road in 15 minutes or less.

luxury redefined

So clearly a lot changes when our little people are born.  Our world does a 180 in an instant — diapers, feedings, ferocious protective instincts, and so much more.  One of the more subtle things that sort of creeps up on us is the shift in our thinking in terms of the way in which we (moms) define “luxury”.  Soon after my daughter was born, I found myself almost gleeful when I had the chance to do laundry with two hands.  She was about 6 weeks old and fell asleep in her bouncy seat, giving me the unexpected opportunity to use both hands to do some laundry  (vs. holding her in one arm while doing laundry with the other which had become the norm). 

That was the first of many ways that I would find myself redefining what I used to consider a luxury in my first year as a new mom.  Any of these sound familiar?:

Pre-Baby Luxuries                                                  Post-Baby Luxuries

A Massage or Spa treatment                                  A shower

Flowers from your husband                                     Hubby wiping the cottage cheese off the wall vs. pretending not to see it

Going out for Cosmos with the girls                         Drinking a fountain soda while leisurely strolling the aisles at Target

Romantic dinner for 2                                             Taking more than 2.75 minutes to eat an entire meal

Going to see the latest movie release                      Watching TV that doesn’t include a cartoon character,                                       on opening night                                                     cheerful theme song or life lesson

Getting dressed up and wearing high heels              Not wearing rice cereal on your sleeve

Lounging on a Saturday morning reading                 Knowing who the celebrities are on the cover of                                                   your favorite author                                               US magazine

10 day Caribbean vacation                                    10 seconds to go to the bathroom by yourself

Hiring a personal trainer to get into even                 Not having to stop and scratch your post-pregnancy-                                        better shape                                                         perma-muffin-top while squeezing in a 7.5 minute jog

We’d love to hear how you’ve redefined luxury too — write in to our blog and share your stories…

September 20, 2010 - 10:29 am Ingrid Potter - ABSOLUTELY! My favorite thing to do when I don't have kids in the car is deliberately stop somewhere like QuikTrip, or McDonald's, just to get the feeling of being able to run in and run out without unloading anybody! Oh my, and going to the bathroom by myself is an INCREDIBLY accomplishment! Especially since my 2 yo is so interested in people going potty! That, and every time I take a shower, he whips open the curtain and announces: "HIIIIIIIIII!" In his little singsongy voice. A shower by myself is pure bliss!

September 20, 2010 - 10:11 am Kim - Post baby luxuries: Convincing yourself that the margarita mix without the tequila ACTUALLY is a margarita. Entering a fast food restaurant without a play land. Eating food that doesn't come wrapped in plastic. Combing your hair. Putting on shoes that don't have rubber soles.